tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
