I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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