where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Well I just put wine in my tea
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
