Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
