I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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