And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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