My room smells like vodka and shame
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
