I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
