I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
