I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
