I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You can't special order awesome
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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