It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The air was thick with penises
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
