someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
