sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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