i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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