Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
