Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
