What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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