Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i love accidental penises.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
