i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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