He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
