FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
