I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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