She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
