It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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