I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
