I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
