Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
