i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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