The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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