well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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