Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
