we made out on top of his cat.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
