Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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