is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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