I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
