I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
