She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Your cock deserves a montage
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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