My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
