I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
