Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
