It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
