Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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