More tranny stories later!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
