I swear she didn't look like that last week.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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