To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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