I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
