the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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