Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
