WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
