Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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