I want to make a zoo with you.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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